Naughty Massage

It is the intention of this website to offer advice on getting a good legitimate massage. However, you will soon run into alternate massage opportunities and here, for those who are curious, I will provide a brief description of what’s available.

If you want to know more about the ‘extra’ services available, you can do a general internet search and you’ll undoubtedly find plenty of information. I will very briefly describe what’s available here, if only to satisfy the curious and assist in knowing what to avoid and minimize any surprises.

Happy Endings

This is the most common form of ‘naughty’ or ‘dirty’ massage. The ‘happy ending’ is slang for a ‘manual release’ or ‘handjob.’ The massage usually begins normally but has a different ending, namely one where the client is masturbated. The oil massage or body scrub is the usual prelude to this sort of massage as you are totally naked already and hands and oil are sliding all over the place. The transition to the happy ending is pretty easy. But that doesn’t mean the clothed Thai massage won’t get you an offer to get ‘extras.’

In some places, they almost assume that you are looking for ‘extras’ if you come in asking for an oil massage. Conversely, if you go in for a foot massage or a facial, the masseuse probably won’t expect you to be wanting a happy ending.

If, during the massage, she approaches you in some way about these ‘extra’ services, make sure you agree on a price beforehand. Keep in mind, that just because she offers to give you a happy ending or other services, you are in no way obligated to accept!

Happy endings are usually offered to males but some females like to be ‘pleasured’ as well!

If you’re looking for some excuses to give the masseuse on why you don’t want a happy ending scroll down to the end of this page.

Soapy Massage

The soapy massage is a quintessentially Thai pleasure. There are specific places you can go to in the larger Thai cities that offer Soapy Massages. It begins by observing a collection of girls with numbered tags, all sitting together in a glassed-in ‘fishbowl.’ Once you’ve found one you like, you give the number of the soapy massage technician to the manager who will call her to the front desk where you pay for your massage.

The masseuse leads you up to a private room which has a wet area and a dry area. Usually you’ll be asked if you’d like a drink (beer, tea, etc.), then the masseuse runs a bath. into which you will step naked. She undresses and joins you in the tub and scrubs you down thoroughly. Then you get out of the tub and lie facedown on a soaped-up air mattress. She gets on your back and lathers you all over with soap suds.

She then has you lie face down on the mattress and covers you in soapsuds. She uses her body to massage yours by sliding up and down, on her back, on her front, every which way. Next, you flip over and she repeats the soapy body sliding maneuvers. This goes on for 10 to 15 minutes. Afterwards, you’re cleaned off and dried and led to the bed. Here, she gives you a regular massage and perhaps some sexual services, depending on what’s been prearranged. The order of events may vary but that’s the basic gist of it.

Although men are the major customers for this type of massage, women sometimes choose this form of massage as well. It’s apparently is a very pleasurable form of massage and lasts about an hour and a half.

Nuru Massage

The Nuru massage is very much like a soapy massage but instead of soap, a very slippery ‘Nuru Gel’ is used. Nuru is made from seaweed and is transparent, tasteless, odorless, and very slippery.

Balls/Testicle Massage: (not to be confused with ‘Herbal Ball’ massage. This is a massage where the testicles and scrotum are given a little extra attention as part of a regular oil massage. Oil will be used for some massage work which involves pulling and gentle squeezing and rubbing. It’s supposed to help relieve backaches and high blood pressure as well as increase sperm production and improve erections!

Tantra or Trantric Massage:

Tantra Massage is a kind of sensual massage that involves giving and receiving of sensual kundalini (sexual) energy. It is supposed to add healing and energy to your life as well as awaken the sensual energies of your body. It professes to come from an ancient Asian tradition of beliefs, meditations, and ritual practices that channel the ‘divine energy of the universe into the human microcosm.’ that seeks to ‘channel the divine energy of the macrocosm or godhead into the human microcosm. It uses sexual energy to achieve a higher state of consciousness. Skilled tantra massage therapists use special sensual touches to awaken energy fields in the body. When used in a lovemaking situation, it is supposed to bring both participants into higher levels of ecstasy. I don’t have any experience with this sort of massage but I do know it’s probably the most expensive of all the massage types out there and there aren’t a lot of practitioners out there.

How to get out of happy endings:

Like it or not, if you get a lot of massages and you’re a man, sooner or later, a masseuse is going to offer you some ‘extras,’ mostly the opportunity to have a ‘happy ending’.

A lot of these girls assume that all men want ‘happy endings.’ If you’re a normal male, chances are your body will eventually respond to getting pleasurable hands rubbing you. But even if your body is willing, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to follow through. You might have all kinds of valid reasons for not getting a happy ending. But you still want a good massage! So you need some good excuses to extricate yourself from the awkward situation…

One of the best ways to avoid the awkward happy ending offer is to avoid the girls or places where they’re most likely to happen. Pick an older, less atractive woman who will give you a great massage and if she does offer an extra (and it happens), then you might be less tempted to give in.

You can also state from the moment you begin, that you’re only interested in a massage, nothing more. She may still try to ‘test the waters’ though and see if she can sway you!

Massage is a very pleasurable activity and sometimes you’ll get an erection and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. It’s kind of hard to come up with a solid excuse as to why you should NOT get a happy ending. No matter what you say, she’ll point out that your penis is very interested and doesn’t care about your excuses.

Here are some methods and excuses I’ve created (I haven’t tried most of them but they might work and maybe you can submit some better ones!)

  • I only have enough money for a massage, I can’t afford the ‘extras’
  • Be firm the moment you get an inappropriate touch and say ‘No, sorry!’ Be civil, be kind and gently resist her applications and laugh it off. Be polite. Just saying no may not help as she may just be persistent, but most of the time they will stop and continue with the massage.
  • “I’m married or have a girlfriend. She says I can have a massage but no special massage.” And if you need to expand … “I love her so much I wouldn’t want to cheat on her.” This assumes you have the necessary language skills to complete this information exchange! You can always wear a wedding ring and point to it and shake your head, in a pinch. If she has any heart or soul, she’ll understand and maybe even be touched by your faithfulness. Other girls don’t have the same moral standards as you do and might not care whether you’re married or not. They might try to say ‘they won’t know, let’s have fun!”
  • “I just masturbated and have ‘no power’ left.”
  • “I already had a massage with a happy ending today and have nothing left!”
  • “I’m ill and can’t get it up, I have no power.”
  • “It causes pain to be touched in that area.”
  • “I’m getting too old and can’t get it up anymore.” If she’s already played around a bit and has you erect, it’s kind of hard to use that one.
  • “I’m gay and I’m not interested in having women pleasure me!”

 

3 thoughts on “Naughty Massage”

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